Ain't no story of heartaches and pains

Boys, guys, men.

"I need a man."..."I want a boyfriend."..."I want a real man."..."I love boys."

These statements are what make the realization of what you really want...more of a lack of reality. There are way too many girls out there who desire for a relationship. Especially girls of a young and youthful age. Sure we all feel like we want to be liked by a guy or even get attention from but it's not the end of the world if it doesn't happen tomorrow. Here's the thing...I feel like it's been the end of the world for me just recently. You know how when you're single, you make this list. This list is a list of standards of what kinda guy/girl you want, what qualities they must have, what you want them to be like. You're dream guy/girl. I have a list (I must admit, it's ridiculously long. Haha). But not only do I have a list...I have met someone with every little thing that is completed on this list in perfection. How often does this happen? NOT VERY. It's been the most ridiculous past few months with my feelings and this guy. This guy is..amazing. He has all of it. He has all of this and more! It's like, he popped out of list out of no where. Honestly. It's a new feeling for me. When he described his perfect girl, it's like..."I'M RIGHT HERE! YOU DESCRIBED ME!" (with all conceitedness aside). I've never felt this way about someone before. We actually hit it off pretty well. It was like we were heading in the right direction for a relationship. Everyone could see it. We were both happier when we were together. We were together a lot. We'd show up to events together. It seemed like we both had feelings for eachother but we didn't tell eachother that. But here's what happened...things started to change. It felt like all of a sudden, this lack of feeling just left..not from me, but from him. This is actually one of the things I'm scared of. R-E-J-E-C-T-I-O-N. I'm scared to let someone into my life to feel like I'm being used. I'm scared of disappointment that things are going to 180 around from happiness. This is where it seems to be heading. Heading straight for heartache and heartpain. This time, I have no advice for myself. I have nothing to say for myself so I'm going to ask you: How would you deal with this?


Should I give up? Or should I just keep chasing pavements?

--Danielle Delos Reyes

My family's role is so important...

I never really realized how my family is so awesome. Like, not just my immediate family but my relatives from my dad's side and from my mom's side. It's really cool how we're all growing up and we decide to find each other on blogspot, facebook, etc. My cousins that I always thought were so much older than me, actually have a lot in common with me. Honestly, it's so awesome how much I can relate and talk to them. I love how we're closer than I think. I can only hope and wish this feud between families will end with US. Even if they're like 5-8 years older than me, we're all adults now and we can relate and connect in a way that we never could've when we were younger. How awesome! I just wanted to say, I love my family and I can't wait for family reunions in the future. It's gonna be a great one. --I'm a family oriented girl-- [:


-- Danielle Delos Reyes

I'm proud to be a FILIPINO-AMERICAN.

So these past few days, I've never felt so much pride to be a Filipino-American. It's an accumulation of my very first PACN, Pacquiao winning against Hatton in 2:59 on Round 2, inviting a lot of my non-Filipino friends to enjoy some Filipino food, ETC. I've never felt so proud to be what I am today. I never thought that I would be understanding and learning more and more about the culture. I never thought I would LOVE every bit of the lessons and history of the Philippines. Honestly, my heart is truly learning what it means to be a Filipino. Just like what Lori had to write about in this year's PACN for Barkada, "Ikaw Pa Rin": What it means to be Filipino.

To my first years: THANKS SO MUCH! WE DID IT! Our first COLLEGE PACN! We had so much heart for this PACN and I know it for sure. Come on, look at the CAST! Frank: IAM Patrick Ocampo (FIRST YEAR), Manager: Kevin Hsu (FIRST YEAR, Barkada), Francine: Zugey Kumagai (FIRST YEAR), Jun: Joseph DeJesus (FIRST YEAR), Chito: Jay Luzon (FIRST YEAR, Barkada), Cara: Lauren Motis (FIRST YEAR, Barkada), Rapist boys: Greg Natividad, Justin Nguyen (FIRST YEARS), Boy 1: Rico Pascual (FIRST YEAR), Emmerich: Karl Flores (FIRST YEAR), Fraternity boys: Charles Manabat (FIRST YEAR, Barkada), Wonderkid: Shea Salinas (FIRST YEAR), Sara: Diane Yabut (FIRST YEAR), Rachel: Charlene Mag-Iba (FIRST YEAR, Barkada), Francine's Posse: Danielle Delos Reyes (FIRST YEAR). I mean, come on guys! We are almost half of the entire cast! How awesome is it for us to have so much heart in this PACN! I can't even express my thanks to you guys for making my very first (maybe even yours as well) PACN the best I've ever had. Let's continue to shoot for the best & make the next few years the best we've ever had! Kasi, IKAW PA RIN (well, US). :D

This year's PACN is something very important for me. For my family to drive out here to Pomona (well Glendora) & watch their daughter & granddaughter perform something they used to perform when they were younger was touching to them, as they've told me. For my parents to go from "I don't trust Barkada" to "I like Barkada" is so important to me. It's like a relationship: I want my parents to approve. But it's not just that. This PACN was a lot of firsts for me. I've never danced a traditional Filipino dance before. I've never done Binisuan before. I've never danced Tinikling before. Not just that, I've never sang the Philippine National Anthem ever in my life. I've never known what the words were or what they meant. I've never spoken so much Tagalog in my life. I've never had a huge production like this before about CULTURE. For me to learn all of this in about 2-3 months is something so...breathtaking. To see everyone's passion in trying to get things together, to teach others how to dance, to teach people how to say words in Tagalog, to teach the WORDS of the anthem of our homeland. HOW PASSIONATE. Even though these are people's 3rd, 4th, maybe even 5th or more PACN, I think I can honestly say I have learned so much for this being my very first. Who cares if you've had PACN before, it's about what you learn EVERY PACN. It's about how much heart you give everytime. It's about what YOU put into it that will make it all worthwhile. Which is why for me, this PACN will always and forever be my favorite. Even though I don't have anything to compare it to, this is what changes my mind about so many things. For me to come from Bakersfield: NO Filipinos. NO culture. NO pride, to all of a sudden be bombarded with culture, it's amazing that I can't even take it all in at once! But it's so awesome. It's like eating Mango-Peach pies from Jollibee. You love it so much and you eat so much of it, but you're so full and you can't take anymore but you still keep eating! Okay bad analogy but this is how it feels. Not only do I love Barkada even more, but I love being a Filipino-American. I love my culture. I love being who I am and where I am today. Time to share and show what I've learned and am continuing to learn with the rest of the world with my head held high & a smile that says: I'm proud to be a Filipino-American.

-- Danielle Delos Reyes

Disappointment.

I'm tired of it already. Like, especially those people who I assume to be my friends, people I look up to, people that I trust. I'm tired of having to realize that I shouldn't have trusted them in the first place. I'm tired of having to realize that all they really did was use me as a vessel to propel their own force of desire upon others. I'm tired of having to deal with people that get my hopes up for disappointment. I'm tired of learning that all the work I put into when doing things becomes just a failure at the end because I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I'm tired of getting hurt physically & emotionally. I'm tired of wondering what it would've been like if certain people didn't get in the way. I'm tired of having to disappoint people with other people's actions. I'm tired of not standing up for myself and my dignity. I'm tired of words that people say that damages other people. I'm tired of people who whine to get their way. I'm tired of being on the end of the losing side. I'm tired of not succeeding. I'm tired of always losing. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of people who are lazy & expect others to do things for them. I'm tired of people who don't work hard. I'm tired of people who expect something in return. I'm tired of people who don't care. I'm tired of oblivious people. I'm tired of feelings. I'm tired of romantic love. I'm tired of making wishes. I'm tired of making assumptions. I'm tired of people who put others down. I'm tired of being annoyed. I'm tired of being disappointed. I'm tired of being negative. I'm tired of hiding.


I'm just tired of it all & I'm ready to quit.

-- Danielle Delos Reyes

To Do List.

1. CATCH UP ON TRIG. GET HELP.
2. START STUDYING FOR AVS112
3. PAY ATTENTION IN HST202
4. DO STA120 HOMEWORK.
NO MORE SLACKING.

So as you can tell, I'm already slacking in school. CRAP. Trig is kicking my butt. Stats is so simple that I don't even wanna do the work for it because I already know it. Today is the first day I've stayed awake for my AVS112 class. I've only been to 1 history lecture out of like 4. EFF. I really need to start focusing. It's week 3 & I'm totally lost in trig. I'm 9.1/15 points in Stats. AVS112 is kicking my butt because of all the lectures that I don't understand about PIGS. & I don't even know what's going on in my history class. THAT'S IT. NO MORE SLACKING. NO MORE SAYING "IT'S OKAY, I'LL JUST DO IT TOMORROW BEFORE THE CLASS." Hell no. I need to learn this ish or else I'll be completely lost...like I am already.

anyway...
Time for something a little more inspiring.

"Forgiveness...is more than saying sorry." - Just Friends. If any of you have seen that movie, you can already tell what part I'm thinking of. I was actually singing it as I was writing. You know, there's a lot that people don't do in the act of forgiveness. A lot of it has to do with letting go. I, myself, have a hard time with this. I say I forgive, but I never forget. Which honestly, is okay. But in order to forgive someone, you have to be able to let go. Sure this person may have hurt you before but I'm sure you'd want to be forgiven & wanted to just start over. It's hard to, I understand. But only time can heal & all I can say is, there really is all the time in the world to heal and it all depends on how special your own friendship or relationship with that person was to you and how worth it it is. Well, I've gotta learn to forgive completely. :D

-- Danielle Delos Reyes

Lenten Promises.

After reading many different people's blogs, I've realized that I have forgotten to write about what truly is most important to me to share with the rest of the world while I only share what is going on within my own world of everyday life. I concluded that I'm going to write about something inspirational every time I write a new blog. I'm going to write about something that will continue to give hope to others or better, say things that others are too scared to talk about but agree/disagree with. I'm going to continue to bring hope and light into the world with my writing and hopefully inspire others to write as others have inspired me to jot down my thoughts.


So Lent is coming to a close. 6 days to be exact which means 41 days of abstaining from my Lenten promises. But what's the real meaning of Lent? According to many of the priests that I have attended their masses have said that "Lent is a time of self-evaluation. A time to change heart. A time to look at oneself and evaluate how God will see you if and when you die." You know, that's an interesting statement. Many people give up things for Lent only to jump back onto it with excitement and eagerness of "FINALLY! I CAN DO THIS AGAIN!" Although Lent is supposed to make one grow in the spiritual aspect of life, it's also supposed to test one's self-control on material items that essentially hold back one's relationship with our Higher Being. I, myself, am one who has said this. After looking back at what I gave up, I have not fallen on 2 of the 3 things I have chosen to give up. But has this made me a better person? Well, I do one of the 3 things less (although I have broken it quite a few times). I can now learn to say no and choose to be responsible and do what's most important over what's more fun. I have been healthier in choosing what I eat. However, how has this made me a better CATHOLIC? Honestly, I'm not going to lie, it has not made me too much of a better Catholic. I have not done anything to make me a better person spiritually. I forget that Lent is supposed to also be about the spiritual side as well as physical endurance. Just because I haven't grown so much and Lent is over in 6 days, doesn't mean it's over and I'm going to stop. I'm going to continue to try to be a better person AND Catholic regardless of what I've given up, regardless of how I haven't done anything in particular to grow in my relationship with God. Lent has done what it was made to do for me...I am self-evaluated & I can truly say, I could grow a little more in every aspect of my life.


-- Danielle Delos Reyes

Inspiration.

I'm INSPIRED. I am 100% completely inspired to shoot for what I can. I'm just gonna say right here. Right now. 2:47AM April 5th: I will shoot for the highest possible dream/goal I can. Nothing is going to stop me from getting what I want. [:



Short. Sweet. To the point. Inspirational.


Thanks for being the boost to my inspiration.


-- Danielle Delos Reyes