College life.

So I just recently had a really long talk with someone the other day. And it made me think: how much have I changed over the past few months since I've started college. See, this person never sees me. This person doesn't know what I do everyday but rather, he only knows by the things that I tell him. Here's the thing, I felt SO bad with everything that we talked about. Why? Because I brought me back to how I used to be. Back in high school, back when I promised that I wouldn't give in to certain things or do certain things when I started school. Guilt trip basically. I really wanted to talk about it because, I don't know how to deal with this guilt trip that he's given me the other day.

So, I told him about how the past few days, I've been partying and hangin' out with tons of people and yes, drinking. I understand that it's not a good thing at times, but you know, I've talked to my parents, my older brother and here's the only way I can justify and give myself some credit: I make smart decisions if I DO decide to drink. I know my limit and I stop. I know not to drive EVER. I know not to have a drunk hook up with some random person. See, although I "made a wrong decision" in the first place, it's what you decide to do after. I know I don't need alcohol to have fun but there's nothing wrong with it if you can handle yourself. If you don't easily become addicted and binge drink then you're making the smarter decision of the worst, so to speak. It also depends on WHO you drink with. The people that I decide to have fun with are the people that I consider my 2nd family. The times we have partied and I ended up throwing up, they've always taken care of me. They've always taken me into their home and let me stay the night and never let me drive back (not like I can nowadays. RIP Magnaton). See my friend is someone who doesn't drink at all and is 21. He doesn't drink by choice and I commend him for deciding not to. But, just because he and I used to have the same standards about not drinking, I know that I've changed. I explained to him that I hardly do drink actually. In comparison to those who drink casually as I do. He said "Why do you have to compare yourself to those who make horrible decisions rather than those who do not make the decision to drink?" WELL here's the thing, you can't compare yourself to those who don't. You will eventually make yourself look worse than them, but you can only compare yourself to those who drink. You won't win. See, when I drink, it's because I want to. Not because I want to follow everyone else. Not because I'm being pressured. It's all up to me on how much I want to drink or if I want to at all. And honestly, I do choose not to at times. If you have that intuition to choose between drinking or not and weigh your options, then you're smart enough to drink. But if you're so "NO! No drinking for me because I don't want to become someone who will become addicted!" then obviously, you're someone who CAN be easily influenced if you cannot even look at the two decisions and decide for yourself. I know I said before that I will always will be and continue to be straightxedge but as cliche as this sounds people change, and I believe that I haven't changed for the worst just because I decide to casually drink at times. I have smart decisions and I can choose to do so or not.

So boyfriend topic. Okay, well...this part is a little hard to explain, but I will explain. I promised myself that I would not have a boyfriend until I was 21. But my reasons were because I wanted to stay pure and that I didn't want to give into the temptation of sex (which is a little embarrassing to admit that I do get tempted. But I'm only human). After talking to those who really care about me and my family, I've realized that just because I have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean that I cannot continue to stay pure. I don't wear this promise ring for no reason. To others, it's just a fashion statement. For me, it has meaning. I know I essentially broke my promise of not having a boyfriend, but my main focus AND reason of why I made that promise was to protect myself from the temptation. But here's the thing, in those 2 years of not having a boyfriend, my promise taught me something about holding on to my purity no matter what circumstance I'm in. I also learned what to look for in a future boyfriend and to make my standards higher than what I used to have to keep myself protected. So basically all I can say is, yes. I admit that I broke that promise of not having a boyfriend, but I don't regret it because I'm proud of how I hold onto my sexual purity regardless of having a boyfriend or not. And I'm really happy with how my life is. I'm really happy with him and he respects the fact that I choose not to give into the temptation of sex. All I can say is, trust. I didn't change who I am because I have a boyfriend. In fact, I think I'm a better person and I've grown because of how my boyfriend compliments me and supports my decisions without pressuring me at all.

I know this is a lengthy and maybe boring blog, but I really wanted to put out my guilt tripped feelings because of an old very best friend of mine. All I want to promise people is that I'll admit, I have changed. But I think I've matured in the way that I see things and have become more open but not too open to forget where I came from. I think that I haven't changed for the worst at all, but rather, I've changed in the way that I see some things and grown in some ways that I stand so strongly on. And all I can say is that if I tell you a story, please understand that stories of college are always to the extreme. College life isn't just about the stories I tell you about how interesting my nights go here and there, but there is the boring side of where I study, have class, do homework...stuff like that. Like I told my friend: You can't judge my entire experience and mind by a story of one weekend because you don't understand the entirity of what I do most of the time.

Peace out guys. Let's be open and accepting of others, yeah?

-- Danielle Delos Reyes

PS. Sorry no pictures this time. Haha.