$202!?!

So the city of Pomona hates me. I honestly want to cry and UGH. So many things have just been sucking so much. Plenty of things have been happening and it's just too much to handle right now. It's been getting super annoying. The most annoying part of it all is that I need to come up with $202 because the stupid freaking city of Pomona gave me a ticket for hitting the two trees that I hit when I got into my accident. Honestly, hearing that put me in the worst mood ever. I'm not in "I hate my life" mode, but I'm so mad at everything that happened. On top of a $300 speeding ticket & traffic school online for Bakersfield, I have no car. I have no more money. I have 2 tickets on my record all within a week of each other. One of which was JUST an accident. But the city of Pomona is a real jerk. What am I supposed to do? I'm about ready to resort to things I shouldn't. UGH. Why must so many crappy things happen to me this month?

-- Danielle Delos Reyes

"Lately I've had the strangest feeling..."

"With no vivid reason here to find. Yet the thought of losing you's been hanging around my mind."

How Stevie Wonder can write. How he can write exactly about how my life is. How this line has actually been hanging around my mind. How true his words are to me right now.
-------
So lately, I've had the strangest feeling (ha) well actually I have had the strangest feeling. See, after many events have happened in the past few days, I feel so...strong. I feel like I've never been the strongest in what I think is most important to me. I've never had such a strong stand in myself in such a long time until then. Since it just happened, I feel like everything that is most important to me is even more important to me now. Like, honestly, if things didn't work out, then obviously, it wasn't for me and it wasn't for anything that would make me a better person. Like I said to many other people "If it didn't make me a better person, then it would be making me a worse person and that's not who I am." I'm not giving up something important to me to make others happy. Respect is what its all about. That's basically all I wanted to say. I just want everyone to know: After all of this, I'm a better person. I'm stronger & I've got way too many people behind my back on this one. I'm glad things happened the way they did. And I really hope the best for everything.



So since today is Ash Wednesday and since today is the start of Lent: My lenten sacrifices do not need to be announced publicly. But rather, I know that I will definitely be making myself a much better person after this Lent. However, I am doing much more to show my faith in God and not be ashamed. After going to confession, I feel like a much better person. I intend to keep it that way. Happy Lenten Season.


-- Danielle Delos Reyes

STUPID!

How could I have been so stupid? Whatever, I'm over it.

Advice for myself: RESPECT YOURSELF & STAY TRUE TO WHAT YOU WANT & BELIEVE.

Traditions? Dead or Alive?

So, traditions. Not counting like cultural traditions much but mostly the old-fashioned traditions. What makes me feel...disappointed in the youth today are the lack of old-fashioned traditions or disrespect for it. Maybe not disrespect it, persay, but don't celebrate that idea anymore. To name a few...

All girl/guy living spaces:

So, don't get me wrong. I'm not singling anyone out. But it made me think...I wouldn't wanna be running around in my underwear with a dude living in my house. It means I have to be 10 times more careful with what I do. Regardless of whether or not they're like my "brother", guys still get excited to see a girl in another way other than outside of the door. I think that it also allows girls or guys to bond more if they're an "all guy"/"all girl" apartment. Not just because I was raised that way, but I still see that it seems just...right to live that way. Girls, would you want your guy roommate to bring home his girlfriend (or some random hook up) one night and you have to deal with the drama of what that girl thinks about you living with him? Or guys, would you want your girlfriend giving you drama about living with a bunch of girls? Don't say that you would dump his/her ass if they gave you that drama. You have to think about it in their point of view. It just doesn't look right regardless of what is really going on. Not only that, but if you live with your bf/gf, I think that's like..."cheating" your way out of the marriage idea. I still hold true to the idea that one should only live with their significant other when they marry. It just seems that once you live with that person and you eventually get married, what more excitement is there? It's like you're already doing the same thing over and over and then there's nothing more. Then if you two break up from your relationship, there's the hassle of moving out, finding a place, returning everything to eachother, fighting over what belongs to who, etc. It just doesn't seem right, especially at this age of being in early college. Like I said, I don't mean to single anyone out at all. I just came across this situation for myself and this is what I think.

Courtship:

So, every girl, well a girl of old-fashion-ism (a real word? Nah.) always dreams about being courted. Courted has almost the same meaning as "seeing each other". See, these moments are the sweet moments. These moments are the cute moments where each person is still shy and on their best behavior. When I explained this to someone, here's what I said, "basically, courtship is like the early days before you're officially together. it's kinda like "seeing eachother" but where you're trying to prove to the girl that you're worth seeing into more. and you also trying to prove others around you and her that you really care but not only romantically, but if things don't work out, you'll still be great friends." The funny thing is, this person goes "Isn't that dating? or "talking"?" Point proven. This little part of the "relationship" process is completely skipped. Why? Beats me. But it should really be brought back. If this was brought back, relationships wouldn't have to be so complicated because according to JUSTIN RODRIGUEZ , "Relationships are complicated!" (He wanted me to put him in the blog. Buahhaah loser.) But forreal though, courtship is something that is so special. It's something girls still think about. At least girls who have more on their mind than just hooking up with a guy. And if you're a guy and you wanna date someone, try courtship. Tell me how it works out. And if you're a guy who's already dating a girl and you haven't done courtship (or at least to its full extent) you can still do it! But to future guys of girls, don't let courtship die! It's still special and girls still like it.

Sorry if this next topic is completely controversial but I just wanted to express my thoughts:
Premarital Sex:

A lot of teens nowadays have sex. Plenty of college students have sex. This is fact. About 60% of all Cal Poly Pomona students are sexually active. I am proud to say that I am part of that 40% who is not sexually active. This old-fashioned ideal of having sex only until you're married is disrespected AND ignored nowadays. Thanks to contraceptives having sex is so much easier. Thanks to certain pills, having sex is so much easier. Thanks to media, having sex is so much easier. Like I said before, don't get me wrong. I'm not judging anyone on what they've done or how they feel about this topic. I just believe that having sex before marriage is not only morally wrong but it kills the magic of when you do get married. This goes back to the living together situation. If you live with your boyfriend/girlfriend, more than likely you two are sexually active. Now, once you're married, there's no magic. There's no mystery. There goes the idea of a "honeymoon night". See, there's a reason why women wear white on their wedding day. It's a representation of the sexual purity of the woman. White is sign of purity. If you've already had sex before your wedding, white would just be an oxymoron to your wedding. See, I believe that sex is not an option while in a relationship. I don't think that sex has to be part of a relationship for it to be a great relationship. If you can go on without sex, then you really do have respect for eachother's body and self-respect for your own. Why is sex so important in a relationship anyway? I don't mean to ask that in such a negative sense, but I honestly want to know what people think. I was raised to believe that sex should only be saved for that one person when you get married. I have way too many friends who have STDs, who are pregnant, who are mothers/fathers, who have had abortions and things like that. See, I don't find any pros to having sex before marriage. Sure, everyone says it feels great. You know, I don't doubt you. I bet sex feels amazing! I bet it's one of the best feelings in the world. BUT, I want to share that most amazing feeling with the one that I love and will love forever when I marry. You know, I'll admit, I've had situations where I've been offered to have sex. And I'll admit that I ALMOST gave in. But you know, I don't wear a ring on my finger for show. I'm human and of course I get those feelings of wanting to be close to someone intimately but if I'm not the strong one, there goes everything I believe in. There goes everything I've worked hard for. And, there comes regret. It's hard to say no, I'll admit it myself. It's hard to turn down sex when it's so easily given to you. But, I still respect the old-fashioned tradition of sex until marriage. And when I say this, I mean ALL forms of sex. I also respect my body and what I stand for.

See, I'm not trying to preach to people. I just wanted to shed some light on some traditions that are EASILY forgotten and have been forgotten. These things still hold strong in my mind and heart. I really want to share this with people because I believe that in order to be happy in life and keep someone wanting more in life, these should be observed. Like I said earlier again, I'm not judging anyone at all. I'm not pointing any fingers at anyone either. And I don't mean to offend anyone. I just want people to understand that. These all stick in my heart and to live in a world that continues to degrade, forget, ignore, or disrespect these traditions that were established before. But forreal though, take a look back at what you were taught when you were yonger and just think hard about it and if you were never taught any of this, take some of these to heart or try to see where I'm coming from. Maybe it'll spark a thing or two.

Peace out. Love is bond.

-- Danielle Delos Reyes

Who's a cuhh?

So basically today consisted of a First - Year Barkada outing. I must say...SUCCESS! Oh Zugey, you do such a great job of bringing us all together. I must admit, everything was so fun even though it was more than just first years. But you know, I just hope that all of us first years stay close because SH!T dude, we are sooooo bomb. Forreal man. So after going to In-n-Out, we all decided to go hookah. It was a really chill night. No lie. Everyone was just so chill and it was fun hanging out with everyone. That's basically it! We even took one of my greatest friends, BRITT-NAY NEWTOWN along. Shoot, girl is bombski. She's so down. Hahahah. But other than that, plenty of stuff went down. When we got back from Fullerton, we went to Alberto's to get churros...can you believe, NO churros for TWO Alberto's from different cities!? WTF man! But their carnitas tortas are BOOOMB. I don't know why we wanted to go to Alberto's. We even partied it up in the car early early morning man. Hahah. Ahhh, I love my life. I love my friends. I love everything going on right now. Everything is just sooooo..happy! [:

So, after feeling so chill and what not. Justin and I had our little heart to heart and I must say, I'm so glad we did. We got so much understanding done and we finally see eye to eye on so many things. We finally see where we're both coming from. Honestly, I'm so glad we talked things out. It made us stronger as both friends and being in relationship. That's basically it. [: I have such a great boyfriend and I'm proud to say it. Buahaha.

Simple, easy blog. Just wanted to keep it nice and simple. Just like how I like my life.

-- Danielle Delos Reyes

P.S. No pictures again. I fail at owning a camera. Hahaha.

College life.

So I just recently had a really long talk with someone the other day. And it made me think: how much have I changed over the past few months since I've started college. See, this person never sees me. This person doesn't know what I do everyday but rather, he only knows by the things that I tell him. Here's the thing, I felt SO bad with everything that we talked about. Why? Because I brought me back to how I used to be. Back in high school, back when I promised that I wouldn't give in to certain things or do certain things when I started school. Guilt trip basically. I really wanted to talk about it because, I don't know how to deal with this guilt trip that he's given me the other day.

So, I told him about how the past few days, I've been partying and hangin' out with tons of people and yes, drinking. I understand that it's not a good thing at times, but you know, I've talked to my parents, my older brother and here's the only way I can justify and give myself some credit: I make smart decisions if I DO decide to drink. I know my limit and I stop. I know not to drive EVER. I know not to have a drunk hook up with some random person. See, although I "made a wrong decision" in the first place, it's what you decide to do after. I know I don't need alcohol to have fun but there's nothing wrong with it if you can handle yourself. If you don't easily become addicted and binge drink then you're making the smarter decision of the worst, so to speak. It also depends on WHO you drink with. The people that I decide to have fun with are the people that I consider my 2nd family. The times we have partied and I ended up throwing up, they've always taken care of me. They've always taken me into their home and let me stay the night and never let me drive back (not like I can nowadays. RIP Magnaton). See my friend is someone who doesn't drink at all and is 21. He doesn't drink by choice and I commend him for deciding not to. But, just because he and I used to have the same standards about not drinking, I know that I've changed. I explained to him that I hardly do drink actually. In comparison to those who drink casually as I do. He said "Why do you have to compare yourself to those who make horrible decisions rather than those who do not make the decision to drink?" WELL here's the thing, you can't compare yourself to those who don't. You will eventually make yourself look worse than them, but you can only compare yourself to those who drink. You won't win. See, when I drink, it's because I want to. Not because I want to follow everyone else. Not because I'm being pressured. It's all up to me on how much I want to drink or if I want to at all. And honestly, I do choose not to at times. If you have that intuition to choose between drinking or not and weigh your options, then you're smart enough to drink. But if you're so "NO! No drinking for me because I don't want to become someone who will become addicted!" then obviously, you're someone who CAN be easily influenced if you cannot even look at the two decisions and decide for yourself. I know I said before that I will always will be and continue to be straightxedge but as cliche as this sounds people change, and I believe that I haven't changed for the worst just because I decide to casually drink at times. I have smart decisions and I can choose to do so or not.

So boyfriend topic. Okay, well...this part is a little hard to explain, but I will explain. I promised myself that I would not have a boyfriend until I was 21. But my reasons were because I wanted to stay pure and that I didn't want to give into the temptation of sex (which is a little embarrassing to admit that I do get tempted. But I'm only human). After talking to those who really care about me and my family, I've realized that just because I have a boyfriend, it doesn't mean that I cannot continue to stay pure. I don't wear this promise ring for no reason. To others, it's just a fashion statement. For me, it has meaning. I know I essentially broke my promise of not having a boyfriend, but my main focus AND reason of why I made that promise was to protect myself from the temptation. But here's the thing, in those 2 years of not having a boyfriend, my promise taught me something about holding on to my purity no matter what circumstance I'm in. I also learned what to look for in a future boyfriend and to make my standards higher than what I used to have to keep myself protected. So basically all I can say is, yes. I admit that I broke that promise of not having a boyfriend, but I don't regret it because I'm proud of how I hold onto my sexual purity regardless of having a boyfriend or not. And I'm really happy with how my life is. I'm really happy with him and he respects the fact that I choose not to give into the temptation of sex. All I can say is, trust. I didn't change who I am because I have a boyfriend. In fact, I think I'm a better person and I've grown because of how my boyfriend compliments me and supports my decisions without pressuring me at all.

I know this is a lengthy and maybe boring blog, but I really wanted to put out my guilt tripped feelings because of an old very best friend of mine. All I want to promise people is that I'll admit, I have changed. But I think I've matured in the way that I see things and have become more open but not too open to forget where I came from. I think that I haven't changed for the worst at all, but rather, I've changed in the way that I see some things and grown in some ways that I stand so strongly on. And all I can say is that if I tell you a story, please understand that stories of college are always to the extreme. College life isn't just about the stories I tell you about how interesting my nights go here and there, but there is the boring side of where I study, have class, do homework...stuff like that. Like I told my friend: You can't judge my entire experience and mind by a story of one weekend because you don't understand the entirity of what I do most of the time.

Peace out guys. Let's be open and accepting of others, yeah?

-- Danielle Delos Reyes

PS. Sorry no pictures this time. Haha.

Just a Thought: Valentine's Day

Valentine's day is just like the picture above. GIRLS ALWAYS MAKE IT MORE THAN GUYS DO. Hahaha. Girls always make it a big deal to have a good day this day. They always want a guy to make them feel a little better than they ever have. They always make themselves prettier than usual and always wish for that little sign that someone cares about them. I've never had a Valentine before. Did you know? Hahaha. But you know, I could really care less that I've never had one. But for some reason, this year, Valentine's Day has a different reason for me. I'm celebrating being loved but by those who care about me and I care about rather than it only being a romantic commericialized holiday. Although, I have one this year (My very first. HAHAHA), it's not the top of my priority list. I know a lot of people who really find it to be a priority and it makes me sad to think that they really want to find LOVE by Valentine's day. So basically, I just wanted to say...don't worry about Valentine's day. You should have a Valentine's YEAR. Then, an "I HATE YOU" day. hahahahh!

When I was younger, I hated Valentine's day. I used to be so emo about my life and be like "Why can't a boy like me?!" (Ew, I look back now and that's just gross). But I felt bad for those people who felt worse than I did. There were some guys out there who just weren't the cutest or best looking and didn't get the attention of girls AT ALL but they were such NICE guys. They would be some of the nicest guys in school, but that's all they were to everyone else. This was all throughout high school, middle school and even elementary school. So you know those little suckers that they sell during Valentine's Day with the little messages called "Candy Grams" or what not? Well, I would always save up to buy a few. I would buy some for my friends and send it to them. But I would always save up an extra 50 cents to buy one for someone who I knew that this Valentine's Day, would never get one. So, I would send them one anonymously. When they would get it, I would just see their face light up and show all their guy friends that they got one and they tried to guess who sent it. I did this all throughout my younger school years. And to this day, I hope they still believe that someone out there thinks they are someone special. I swore that I was gonna continue this tradition to my children when I got older because I know what it was like to get my first anonymous candy gram. [:

Happy Valentine's Day.

-- Danielle Delos Reyes.

Going off on tangents.

So, I honestly don't know what to write about for tonight. But I feel like I should. I guess I should just talk about my day, hopefully that'll bring me to something to talk about. Oh, by the way, since the accident, I've been doing better. I've been sleeping better and I have no pains. My trauma is still a little much and my paranoia is still kinda bad. But I'm Danielle. I can get through anything. Tomorrow, I drive back to Pomona. It'll be my first time driving since my accident, but it'll be okay. Okay so back to what I was going to talk about. So today, I was picked up by my parents to go home today. It's weird being picked up and not have to drive home. It was cool though. I had breakfast with our family friends and oh my goodness. I haven't had such great food in such a long time. They live so close to me too which makes me think "Why haven't I called our family friends for anything important?" Especially when I got into that car accident. Well, I guess I just didn't think. It was nice to reunite with them and talk about the newest things in our lives. When I get older, I sure hope to have friends like that. We're even planning to go on a cruise together. Considering I've never been on one, it just sounds so good to go on one. Hahah. But anywho, after, we drove back to Bakersfield. I walk into my house and there sits this BEAUTIFUL beautiful bird. It's called a Blue-winged lory. It was SO beautiful. It's the same kind of bird that eats the nectar from the cups when you go to Disney World in Florida. Oh my goodness. This bird was $700 but it's the nicest and one of the smartest birds ever. See, I'm kinda scared of birds because the first one we had was such a jerk! Hahah. I still have a scar from when it ate a piece of my hand. (Stupid bird) But this one was so nice. Well, we didn't have time so we went to Delano (Ghetto town I was born in. Believe me, you don't wanna go there for fun) for one of our family friend's birthday. He was turning 80. Oh gosh, it was hard to see him in a wheelchair but he was so happy. There were so many people there supporting him. Dude, I really hope people will care about me when I turn 80 and wanna come see and hang out with me even if I can't communicate as much as I used to. But I hung out with a few of my greatest friends and two of my very best. I miss them every time I leave Bakersfield. It's crazy. So now I'm home. You know how good it feels to just be home when you're gone for a long time? It's crazy. Anywho, this is probably the most boring blog ever but Justin Rodriguez really wanted me to write something. Apparently, he likes what I write. Sorry if this is totally boring. Hahahaha. You know I've got a really good blog to post up once Valentine's Day comes around. [:
Have a great night kids. [:



-- Danielle Delos Reyes

RIP Magnaton.

So, SCPASA summit was great. It was one of the most fun I've had in a while. I miss it all and everything. But there is a not so great story to this. After VIBE, the after party, Justin and I decided to go home instead of partying and hanging out with everyone else at Leah's house. Justin drove the first half and was starting to feel really sleepy. So he pulled over and I decided to drive the rest because I was feeling more awake. He fell asleep. It was an easy drive back and I was almost home. I exited Diamond Bar Blvd and kept driving. At this point, it's 1:30am. Until suddenly, I found myself with my windshield cracked and on top of the media. I found myself on the other side of the median. For a split second, I found some type of consciousness and moved myself back onto my side of the road while at the same time, I hit another tree. I pushed the breaks, set the car to park and sat there dumbfounded at what I saw and felt. I looked at my windshield and couldn't believe that it was cracked. I was so scared, I looked over and checked to see if Justin was okay...thank God, he was still awake and talking. The first thing he asked me was "Are you okay Danielle?!" I was like "I'm okay. Oh my God. I can't believe this happened. Oh my God." At the same time, I looked down and I was bleeding. My right leg was shining in the light with blood dripping down. I had glass in it. My right arm had a gash in it with a sparkle. I had glass in my arm. I got out of the car easily and Justin got of the car easily. I looked at Justin and asked him if he was okay. Lucky for him, NOTHING was on him. No gashes or scratches on him. Which made me calmer. Right then, two ladies said "I've already called the cops. You'll be fine. Is everything okay? Anything broken? Anyone else in the car?" I answered "No" and I asked what time it was. The ladies said that it was about 2am in the morning. My leg was burning and the cops, firefighters and ambulence came. They made me wash everything out but they couldn't get the glass out. The ladies offered to take me to the hospital which I ended up doing after the cops wrote up the report and my car was towed away. While I was talking to the cops, Justin took pictures of the entire car. The pictures still scare me to this day and I still can't sleep fully without waking up or dreaming about the crash. I went to the hospital at 4am and didn't go in until 6:30am. Justin and those two ladies stayed the whole time. The ladies left once my dad and my brother came. I got my leg washed up and all the glass was out. It was crazy how much glass there was. After everything else, my dad, kuya, me and Justin went to breakfast and things just seemed better. My dad made me feel so much better and I was just glad to be in a bed again. I totally knocked out for that day.

My life flashed before my eyes and I still can't believe to this day that I am still alive. These pictures make it seem like I died. I was a miracle story for the hospital and it was crazy. I'm so blessed to know that God wants me to live today. I value my life so much more and all I can do is thank God everyday for giving me a second chance to live today. I'm traumatized to drive or ride in a car but I'm Danielle. I can get through anything. As for a ride, I'm walking for now. But going somewhere far, that's not too much of an option for me right now. I hope I get over this as much as I can. All I ask is that people continue to pray for me. I still have to deal with my mom's angry and worried self, but I can understand. RIP Magnaton. You will be missed and you were a great car. Everyone drive safely. Please please please. Value your life everyone, you never know when you'll lose it.

-- Danielle Delos Reyes