"But do we want the other person to be happy?"

Have you ever felt that you just wanted to just be with a person for a long period of time? Ever felt like, you really just want to be around a person and no one else? Ever feel like, you don't exactly want to share someone with anyone else? I've had that feeling. For me, it's a very hard feeling. It's something I personally don't like. I feel very...selfish.

You know, when we care about someone or like someone, all we want to do is be around them and talk to them. We just want to be with them. Not in the romantic sense, well maybe so, but in the sense that they make us happy. So why wouldn't we want to be with them? We want to be happy. But does that constitute the best interest for your relationship? Not so much. But do we want the other person to be happy?

Missing them, thinking of them, wanting to be with them, wanting to see them isn't a selfish idea at all. In fact, it's a very caring idea. Nothing wrong with that. But when you don't want them to do anything else BUT miss only YOU, think of only YOU, want to be with only YOU, want to see only YOU becomes the selfish idea. How is a person going to build a relationship on solely each other? How are you going to be able to have people look at your relationship from an outside perspective if you don't allow yourselves to have a third observing party? I think every relationship needs someone to look out for it. If you're gonna be selfish and want to keep that person all to yourself, how are you going to get that third party observer?

As much as you want to really care about someone & be around that someone all the time, to be selfish and keep them only to yourself and then be upset about the fact that they also have a life is not healthy. It's not a healthy way to start or continue a relationship. So ask yourself, is your relationship with a certain person based on selfish thoughts? Or do you allow each other to learn and grow from other people who help make the relationship a bit more interesting? I'm not trying to say what selfish is per se, but it's more of a question to ask yourself. Are you being selfish? Do you get upset when that certain person is busy for a good reason? Do you find yourself only wanting that person to spend time with you? Those are questions you should ask yourself when defining a relationship. It's the definition of what your relationship is built on.

However, there are situations in which someone may be selfish in a way that's uncaring. For example, not considering another person's feelings or even caring about what they think about spending time with them to do your own thing. Or not allowing yourself to spend time with that person because of your own desire or want. See, the defining point in which selfishness is applicable is based on how the relationship is between two people. If you two have mutual feelings, then each relationship should be agreed upon 50-50. If you like the person, then being selfish in only wanting that person to spend time with you isn't healthy. It may vary amongst people, but I really believe and truly think that each relationship should not be based on selfish feelings at all. Regardless of how you feel about someone. You can't keep someone all to yourself and neither can you keep someone who likes you waiting when you don't feel the same. Two different kinds of selfishness, same aspect of hurt.

Overall, I think each person needs to evaluate where you stand on selfishness for your relationship. Consider the other person's feelings. That's the focus and that's the solution. If each person considered the other half of a relationship, there would be more smiles between couples. Don't you agree?


-- Danielle Delos Reyes

"But you're time isn't up..."

You know, it's funny. When you go onto other people's Facebooks or Myspace (not like I go there anymore) or Twitter. You realize that you kinda miss them. Or you realize that you're glad you don't talk to them anymore. It's interesting how the human mind chooses to keep who they want within it's memories and daily thoughts. Unless you stumble upon these people and you try to remember what happened between you and this person (or you're screaming and jumping up and down for joy because you and this person are so far apart now). Either way, you're still thinking about the person you look up. For some strange reason, I stumbled upon some old old, OLD exes within my past. Just say, an interesting thought came across my mind.

How often do you think about a guy/girl you once were with and realize that you miss that person? Not often? Often? NEVER?! Well you know, I wouldn't say I would never miss that person again (with an honest exception of one) but I wouldn't say I did miss them to the point where I'd want them back. I miss them because there was a change in me when I was with them. There was a change where I was happy and they brought out my happiness. In a romantic sense? Nahh..but in the most beautiful sense that I could've ever wanted: A friend. They were my boy-FRIENDs. They were people who have hurt me, yes. They were people that I have hurt, even so. However, regardless of what they've done to me or I've done to them, they were always, my friend at one point or another. I do want to know what's new with them. I do want to hear about their lives nowadays, even though it may hurt me. Why? Because I'm a friend. I am THEIR friend. I am a person, who hates losing friends.

So as you look back on those pictures of them and their new girlfriend/boyfriend or their status says their with someone new, how do you react to this? Jealous, angry, pitiful? Or are you happy, excited, joyful because they're happy? Sometimes, when we feel jealous, it's because we are not happy and we are not being a FRIEND to this person. It's understandable to feel upset because you want this person back, but how much anger can a person have towards someone who is happy? Sure it may be unfair to you, but you're time isn't up. You'll forever be happy one day too. Maybe, you're even happy now. But on the real, as hard as it is, be happy for them. They made you happy & you know what they're capable of doing to bring happiness to someone else. I'm not saying that I do feel jealous, but I'm not saying I don't. The feeling I have is friendly, let's not forget. Hahaha. Not all entirely a romantic sense.

How many times can you say that you've looked through your old exes and realized that you miss them? I say that somewhat often to some of them. These exes all had a part of my life that they grew from. Both of us grew from each other and when you see them now, you realize you had a part in their life which now is apparent in their new girlfriend/boyfriend. How cool right? Never be bitter about an old flame. Why? Because you will always be part of their lives no matter what. You have put some type of seed within them to where they will always have a part of you in them. If you don't want that to happen because they're such douchebags? Well, maybe that good part of you that you left will change him/her for the better. All I can say now is, they were your boy/girl-FRIENDS. Let's not forget how big of a change they put in us. For the better. Because if it weren't for them, would we be who we are today? Didn't think so.




--Danielle Delos Reyes

"It doesn't choose where to go..."

Say it again for me, 'cuz I love the way it feels when you are telling me that I'm the only one that blows your mind.

I love writing about love. Hahahah. Well, what I believe is love for myself. So a few days ago, my closest guy friends and I were sitting in a tent (close spaces make people be open. Hahaha) and we were talking about relationships. They're all younger than I am, so it was rather interesting to hear what they had to say about it. One of them said "Love is not a feeling. It's a decision." Another said, "Love is a promise." Another one of them said "Love is a commitment." You know, it's really an interesting topic because I can't even say what love is for sure. Well, romantic love.

You know what I think love is? I believe love has no eyes so it doesn't choose. Love can't be seen, per se. It's something that is given and felt. God is love. You can show "care" and "hospitality" which eventually makes you loving. But you give those things right? Love is never judging. It doesn't choose where to go. Love is never jealous. If "love" causes you to feel upset, then it's not love. This is a rather touchy subject and I don't want to get full into detail about what I believe love is. But I think we can all agree on these few things. Love is not just a something to someone. You have to be able to love yourself before you can love anyone or else, what are you giving? Right?







Just a thought. [:


-- Danielle Delos Reyes

"The things that don't kill you, will make you stronger..."

You know, I'm sitting here because last night, I actually had something to write about. But after dealing with today, I feel like what I was going to write about had more than just happy feelings.

Ever wonder how much impact people's words had on you? When I was younger, I smiled when my teacher would say "good job Danielle!". However, I cried when someone would say, "You have ugly light-up shoes!". When I got to middle school, I smiled when someone told me, "You have the cutest outfit on." However, I cried when someone told me, "You don't fit in with us." When I got to high school, I smiled when boys would notice me and tell me, "Dang, you're cute." However, I cried when girls would tell me, "You're such a (insert degrading word of choice here)." When I got to college, I smiled when I would hear, "Wow, amongst all these kinds of people, you can stay a virgin." However, I cried when someone told me, "I don't want to be with you because you ARE a virgin." Ladies and gentlemen, words have the biggest impact on an person.

Sure this all sounds so elementary. But people tend to forget. People tend to just say things that are on their mind without even thinking about it. Either good or bad. Words can make or break someone. Yeah, basic statement. But it's hard to stop to think about what you have to say before you say it. Even I, myself, have a problem with it.

So how does a person stop and listen to what they have to say before they say it? I suppose it's just habit. It's a habit that we all must break. Sometimes, one needs to realize that the words that are said must be, well, kind. The Golden Rule has been forgotten. "Treat others the way you want to be treated." Kind words aren't hard to say, but are definitely hard to find from a lot of people. Even if it's someone you can't stand or aren't chill with, I think your words could be that change in a person. What does it hurt being kind to people?

You know, words can determine life or death too. Sad to say, so many people have committed suicide due to hurtful words. How can humans shoot each other down so much? However, if you are a victim of hurtful words, how do you grow out of it? How do you get it out of your head? Well, even I am still trying to get hurtful words out of my head. Just let it in one ear and go out the other. Someone once told me "The things that don't kill you, will make you stronger." Stand strong. Stay strong against the things people say. However, be kind. Kindness needs to be passed on more often.


-- Danielle Delos Reyes