"But do we want the other person to be happy?"

Have you ever felt that you just wanted to just be with a person for a long period of time? Ever felt like, you really just want to be around a person and no one else? Ever feel like, you don't exactly want to share someone with anyone else? I've had that feeling. For me, it's a very hard feeling. It's something I personally don't like. I feel very...selfish.

You know, when we care about someone or like someone, all we want to do is be around them and talk to them. We just want to be with them. Not in the romantic sense, well maybe so, but in the sense that they make us happy. So why wouldn't we want to be with them? We want to be happy. But does that constitute the best interest for your relationship? Not so much. But do we want the other person to be happy?

Missing them, thinking of them, wanting to be with them, wanting to see them isn't a selfish idea at all. In fact, it's a very caring idea. Nothing wrong with that. But when you don't want them to do anything else BUT miss only YOU, think of only YOU, want to be with only YOU, want to see only YOU becomes the selfish idea. How is a person going to build a relationship on solely each other? How are you going to be able to have people look at your relationship from an outside perspective if you don't allow yourselves to have a third observing party? I think every relationship needs someone to look out for it. If you're gonna be selfish and want to keep that person all to yourself, how are you going to get that third party observer?

As much as you want to really care about someone & be around that someone all the time, to be selfish and keep them only to yourself and then be upset about the fact that they also have a life is not healthy. It's not a healthy way to start or continue a relationship. So ask yourself, is your relationship with a certain person based on selfish thoughts? Or do you allow each other to learn and grow from other people who help make the relationship a bit more interesting? I'm not trying to say what selfish is per se, but it's more of a question to ask yourself. Are you being selfish? Do you get upset when that certain person is busy for a good reason? Do you find yourself only wanting that person to spend time with you? Those are questions you should ask yourself when defining a relationship. It's the definition of what your relationship is built on.

However, there are situations in which someone may be selfish in a way that's uncaring. For example, not considering another person's feelings or even caring about what they think about spending time with them to do your own thing. Or not allowing yourself to spend time with that person because of your own desire or want. See, the defining point in which selfishness is applicable is based on how the relationship is between two people. If you two have mutual feelings, then each relationship should be agreed upon 50-50. If you like the person, then being selfish in only wanting that person to spend time with you isn't healthy. It may vary amongst people, but I really believe and truly think that each relationship should not be based on selfish feelings at all. Regardless of how you feel about someone. You can't keep someone all to yourself and neither can you keep someone who likes you waiting when you don't feel the same. Two different kinds of selfishness, same aspect of hurt.

Overall, I think each person needs to evaluate where you stand on selfishness for your relationship. Consider the other person's feelings. That's the focus and that's the solution. If each person considered the other half of a relationship, there would be more smiles between couples. Don't you agree?


-- Danielle Delos Reyes