How much can you write about? You know reason why I haven't written or updated in so long is because I've kept myself occupied from something I'm scared of most. However, it's been a pretty good long few weeks. Busy with school, music, projects, lots of things are keeping me from feeling sorry for myself. Which explains the happy nature I've tried to be in lately. What's my inspiration? Hard to say, but it's actually nothing. I've just been trying to exist with a happy smile. Fake? Not at all, just living looking for a happy inspiration to keep me shooting high. Like what Katie said "Sometimes, you need a crush to help you exceed more than just bare minimum." Which is true. I mean, when I had my crush, I woke up everyday & dressed nicer than just sweats and a white v-neck so that just maybe, he'd take a second look at me, I did well on tests because I wanted to show that I was good at something so that if anything, I could help him study, I learned certain songs that so that we could jam together.
Hahahaha. Oh how kawawa this all sounds. But for a lack of better words, I tried to impress him which in the end turned out to be a waste for a future relationship BUT it made me a better person. It made me happy and I shot for the top. I'm not saying I'm not trying to now, but it was easier when a crush was around. Regardless, it's all good in the hood. Not like I'm looking for sympathy but rather, a place I can go to for ventilating.
So for now, I'm going to put all my feelings in one place & throw it back up to where it belongs because if it were meant to be, it would be. Yeah?So E-board elections are tomorrow. How heartbreaking is this? I don't think people understand how hard this is for me to watch all of this happen and not be a part of it. I didn't want it for glory at all. Like I was telling Ermie, "I wanted to join this e-board and offer the talents and gifts that I have to make this Barkada group a better group. Everyone wants to give back what Barkada has done for them, but not only do I want to give back what Barkada has given me, but I want to give more to show my appreciation of how much Barkada has actually changed my life." Glory? Definitely not. I don't think Barkada is my life, but rather my 2nd family. I'll hate it at times, but I love it regardless. There are people I just can't seem to get along with, but it's not like I hate them. There are those weird people that you can't help but just laugh at because they're so awkwardly cool. It's a huge family, filled with drama, support, care, but most importantly: Love. Being in Barkada is a whole new experience. It's a great networking system, it's a great support system and it's a great way to learn more about culture, life, businesses. I just want to make the group that made ME a better person, an even better group for others to gain from. If I were running...this would be in my speech. *Sigh*
Good luck E-board 2009-2010. You'll be great. Know you've got a handful of people who would still love to help you out if ever the going gets tough.A few days ago, I wanted to write so much about how sad I was or how ANGRY I was because of certain things, but for some random reason, I feel like it's unnecessary. It makes me an angry person. It makes me a sad person. It makes me someone that I don't want to be portrayed as. But thing is, I don't feel this way so much. I don't feel mad at anyone or sad at anyone. Jealous still, perhaps but it doesn't mean I hate you or that I'm out to get you. I just want people to like me for who I am. I just hope that people are accepting of what I want for myself as I accept what you want for yourself. I hope people aren't fake when it comes to being my friend because in all honesty, I'd rather you NOT be my friend than fake it. I just want to be on good terms with everyone because I'm not trying to be fake with anyone. I'm not trying to impress anyone. I'm not trying to show you that I'm so cool or whatever. Just to clarify everything, I just want to be friends with people. I just want to enjoy my life with people I love. If you don't want to be part of it, then fine. Let's mature up and leave the junior high/high school act behind.
-- Danielle Delos Reyes
